I was listening to a man tell a story that stuck with me.
He is a pastor, and he is a pastor of a particular kind. He is the kind of pastor who gets invited to events in order to debate the sinfulness of homosexuality. That is, he is not afraid of the peace-and-love crowd even though they have a reputation for being rowdy and violent.
And this was one of those rowdy nights. Nevertheless, he stood strong and proclaimed the truth in the midst of all of the heckling and name calling.
When the event was over and he was walking out, the crowd pressed in. More insults were hurled his way. Finally, just before he left the building, a homosexual advocate screamed, “That’s alright. We will have your kids.”
Up to this point, nothing made him break stride. But this comment did. He looked calmly at the screaming peace-and-love advocate who had just declared war on his children and said, “Not my kids, you won’t.”
I confess. I love that. I love that confidence. I love that moxie. Honestly, I think God loves it, too.
As a matter of fact, I think God wants you to parent with that confidence. At the same time, it is important to note that this kind of confidence cannot be a confidence in yourself. It cannot be a confidence in mere techniques or the latest parenting trend. The job is too big for that. Instead, it must be a confidence in God and how he has said to do things.
How has God said we should pursue this calling of parenting? There is no clearer passage than Deuteronomy 6:4-9.
“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."
Noted Christian counselor, Jay Adams, is right to assert this passage teaches that God’s word must penetrate the students “inner life, as the vital element in his thinking and decision-making” (Adams, Back to the Blackboard, 103). He goes on to note two aspects of this passage—the “what” and the “how.” The “what” is the command itself. “What God said could not be kept to oneself; it must be passed on down the generations. Thus, this teaching was not optional; it was required” (102).
Next, he moves to the “how.” How does God expect his people to share what God has said to the next generation? Two answers are given. First, we are to deeply impress this teaching upon children. The Hebrew word that is sometimes translated “deeply impress” is a single term that means to “say something twice.” “It is used of sharping a sword because in the whetting process the blade is repeatedly struck by or rubbed against the honing stone” (103). Not only does this underscore the value of repetition but it also points “to the idea of applying truth to situation after situation to which it corresponds” (103). In other words, by “deeply impressing” God’s word into the hearts of the next generation, that very word becomes a part of their mental framework, inspiring not only a vision of life, but also providing a vital mental framework necessary to be faithful and effective in any situation they find themselves. In other words, “one must learn the truth, but repeatedly he must be shown its application to everyday, real life circumstances. Truth must be integrated with life” (103).
Not only are we called to impress God’s word on them deeply, but we are also to train them in such a way that it shapes them pervasively. I think Adams captures this second task when he writes, “Binding the commandments on the hands, wearing them on the forehead, and writing them on the doorposts and the city gates again means that the commandments of God are to govern all of our behavior (hands) and thought (forehead). And this is true whether we are in our own homes or city (doorpost) or whether we leave it through the city gates and go elsewhere. In all places, the commandments of God apply to every and all circumstances. To teach that is the teacher’s main duty . . . That is why parental-like, discipling teachers, rather than academics, are the ones to be sought and secured. That is the worldview in which God wants children raised” (104).
When you put these things together, you see God demands that His people train their children in an atmosphere that is dominated by the Word of God so that His word becomes the interpretive grid for how they understand and interact with everything in life.
This is the vision God set forth, and we can be confident he will bless us as we seek to please him.
So, what are some practical things you can do to live out this vision? Here are a few to consider:
Tap into the wisdom of those who have gone before you. I particularly have the wisdom of grandparents in mind here. You may have noticed that your parents seem to get smarter as you get older. I have. I guess there are some things you learn over time. As a parent, don’t be afraid to tap into that wisdom. They are on your side, and most of the time, they have your children’s ear. They are, after all, the ones who spoil them rotten, so kids tend to listen to them. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Be a faithful part of a local church where God’s word is preached clearly and applied wisely. Clear preaching is essential to good preaching. If you leave church on Sunday without understanding more about what the bible means, you lose. Knowledge, however, is not enough. Jesus said we are to teach to obey (Matt. 28:20). James reminds us that faith without works is dead (James 2:14-17). So, look for a church that helps you understand rightly and apply faithfully the teaching of scripture in the nitty-gritty areas of life like parenting.
Find faithful partners who will disciple through education. I know I am biased here, but I don’t see how you can obey this command and have this confidence when the name of Jesus is off-limits for seven hours a day. Look for education partners who will pursue this vision with you.
Friends, you don’t have to parent defeated. You can have confidence so that when the hounds of hell bark at you threatening to take your children, you can calmly and joyfully look them in the eye and say, “Not mine, you won’t.”
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